amber can walk

I came across bullet journalling by accident. After watching many hours of set-ups and reading many articles about it, what I've found is that most people seek out the bullet journal method. They need a way to organise their life and using a traditional planner had never worked for them so they scoured the internet for a mode that would work and they found this. That's the way the story usually goes. That's not how I found it. My story is much less interesting. I was watching a YouTube video and the person in the video mentioned bullet journalling, specifically talking about the YouTuber AmandaRachLee , who makes her living off showing her viewers how she sets up her journal spreads. Out of curiosity, I looked at her channel, specifically how to start a journal, and I was like "I have to do this." That was in August 2019. I have officially been bullet journalling for over a year and I'm here to say...I love it. I've used other planners and they definitely ...

And...I'm back. It's been a while. Nearly a full year. We should celebrate! I don't know why but I keep coming back to blogging. I've never been consistent with it. I always forget to do it, but I actually want to try this time. Who knew actually planning, putting effort into working and then attempting to complete your goals will actually help you complete them? I'm calling this the abyss because it all seems so daunting, despite the fact there are absolutely no consequences to me posting my opinions online. Not many people will read this blog. I will post this link to Twitter and Tumblr, and maybe some curious person may come across it, but other than that, it is unlikely to go viral. I'm not expecting massive backlash against my review of District 9 in 2017. So what is the issue? Why is it so hard to let people see your work? For me, it's two-fold. The personal and the political. Writing for me is very personal. I do it every day, wh...

This blog post was written earlier this year and has been sitting in my drafts since. It still resonates with me which is why I am posting it. Currently, I have graduated university and I am looking for a job, hence why the feeling of uselessness that resonates so well with me. Being consistent seems futile at this point. It's been over two years and a blog that barely begun, ended abruptly and without anyone even noticing. Including me. Beginning projects like starting a blog seem like a fun idea, something to do in your free time, but then your free time turns into writing essays and lying upside down, head off the bed, scrolling through Twitter, which adds nothing to my life and just makes you angry. Writing is hard. Finding stuff to write about is hard. Finding time and energy to write about me and the things I like is very hard. I make excuses for myself all the time and call it 'writer's block'. A fairly common phrase that I actually do not think applies ...

My body has never been what I wanted it to be. There was always something to change about it but no matter how hard I tried, whether it was secretly exercising or changing my diet so that it included significantly less cheesecake, it always seemed to look disgusting to me. As a fat woman, I always feel less attractive than my thinner friends. No matter what I wore, I felt too big. It never seemed to be enough that the people who were important to me liked me as a person and how I looked. I didn't like me. Not one bit. I would love to say that I have had a drastic turn around and love every inch of my body no matter how wobbly it is. It is an aspiration of mine to have some days where I feel insecure but most of the time, I am confident in my abilities and this is reflected in my outer appearance. That it is okay to look pretty if you want to and that it is okay to not look pretty if don't want to. Then again, I don't really think of myself as a very good liar and writing a...

I have a lot of free time. This is mostly because it's summer, I finished my exams for uni in May and I currently don't have a job. It should probably also be noted that I'm not a very social creature, choosing to laze around my house instead of contacting my friends who would, without a doubt, force me into a social situation which I would ultimately enjoy. So, as stated prior, I currently have a lot of free time which I understand is a luxury some people would shoot their own mother over. It would be so simple to envy my days spent, eyes glazed over rewatching a shitty film that I don't even like or reading three pages in a book then rewarding myself by spending two hours on Twitter. To anyone in full time work, particularly during a heatwave, you must hate me. What I must explain to these people is that having nothing to do gets boring. I am someone who needs to feel important, like I'm improving a skill or learning something. However, without the structure of u...