I have a lot of free time. This is mostly because it's summer, I finished my exams for uni in May and I currently don't have a job. It should probably also be noted that I'm not a very social creature, choosing to laze around my house instead of contacting my friends who would, without a doubt, force me into a social situation which I would ultimately enjoy. So, as stated prior, I currently have a lot of free time which I understand is a luxury some people would shoot their own mother over. It would be so simple to envy my days spent, eyes glazed over rewatching a shitty film that I don't even like or reading three pages in a book then rewarding myself by spending two hours on Twitter. To anyone in full time work, particularly during a heatwave, you must hate me.
What I must explain to these people is that having nothing to do gets boring. I am someone who needs to feel important, like I'm improving a skill or learning something. However, without the structure of uni or a job, I have no goal. No essay to complete. No comprehension tasks to do. Nothing to work towards.
Actually, this is a lie. I do have goals but they are rather broad and can also be completed in the near future because, as an eighteen year old, my brain is under the impression that I have so much time to get these done. So that screenplay or that poetry collection can wait until you've watched Clueless for the third time this week.
Having loose or vague goals sets me up for feeling lazy or unaccomplished, even when I should be relaxing. I don't like to take breaks because I can easily distracted and it can take me a long to time to get back on task. Without structure, I feel quite useless. The threat of failure isn't looming over my head so why should I bother? It makes no sense because writing poetry and films is something that I'm passionate about so why wouldn't I jump at the chance to spend three months just writing? I haven't quite worked this out myself. It could come down to a mixture of laziness and a fear that what I write will not be perfect like I need it to be.
The reason I'm going to writing a blog is because I think it will bring back a passion to write again. Sometimes just jumping in and doing things without structure is how I will get over such fears. I haven't really decided what will be posted here and how often. What can be expected is mostly non-fiction lifestyle writing and talk about films and books. I have a lot of opinions that need to go somewhere.
Even if no one reads this, I'm glad I'm doing it. I need somewhere to focus my energy. Might as well be here.