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And here we go again...

This blog post was written earlier this year and has been sitting in my drafts since. It still resonates with me which is why I am posting it. Currently, I have graduated university and I am looking for a job, hence why the feeling of uselessness that resonates so well with me.

Being consistent seems futile at this point. It's been over two years and a blog that barely begun, ended abruptly and without anyone even noticing. Including me.

Beginning projects like starting a blog seem like a fun idea, something to do in your free time, but then your free time turns into writing essays and lying upside down, head off the bed, scrolling through Twitter, which adds nothing to my life and just makes you angry. Writing is hard. Finding stuff to write about is hard. Finding time and energy to write about me and the things I like is very hard.

I make excuses for myself all the time and call it 'writer's block'. A fairly common phrase that I actually do not think applies to me. I'm mostly lazy, or I'm fatigued from existing around people. But I'm rarely uninspired. My head is always buzzing, always thinking of something. It's just a matter of getting it down on paper before it flies out of my head.

I'm not blocked. I am stuck. Stuck in my last year of university, panicking because I feel as though I have wasted three years and I still have no clue who I am or what I want to do. What is my career plan? What do I want to do? How will I make money once I leave?

These questions bounce around my head in the dead of night, like the irritating friend at the sleepover who won't go to sleep and the even more irritating friend who falls asleep first and keeps everyone else awake with their snoring. The hard truth is that I don't where I'll be in six months. Something that is hard for me to accept is that I'll actually be okay. That my entire life is not going to fall apart because I don't have a plan.

It is my belief that I'm going to know what I want to do eventually. What is terrifying is that up until then, I have to be making money and I have to be gaining experience. You can't get a job without experience.

That seems like a cynical way to reboot this blog, doesn't it?

I want to write (I think) and if you don't practise, if you don't feel like you have to do it, then you're not going to go anywhere. This is going to be my writing space. It is one of my goals this year to compile a poetry collection. It is also one of my goals to participate in NaNoWriMo. Will I stick to these? Well, I haven't made much progress on either but I have a whole eleven months to get started and hopefully finished.

My definitely not definite plan for this blog is to write about film and books and poetry in a better way. I slightly cringe at my past posts because they feel very clinical. I still don't know if I have any kind of unique voice but I do want to pull it out of me. 

There are no promises but I will be back.